Another sleepless night......

January 19, 2009...unexpectedly, i was talking to him again. The conversation sent me again into another sleepless night...(what else is new?) Heartbreak for the second twice...???I guess, romantic relationship is seldom what they seem. I have always wanted a relationship that is built on openness, intimacy and trust. But one morning, i woke up realizing it was full of lies and deceit. Full of paradoxes which i tried to overlook, downplay (if not totally ignore) which for a while it worked well, until one day, with a little warning i have to confront the reality that it was not exactly what they appeared to be.
I had difficult time coping with what i have learned and dealing with the person who betrayed me, nor do i had the insight into how and why deception occurred. Ignoring the paradoxes inherent in my relationship turned out to be very costly strategy and the price is high enough for the decision, unexpectedly, and all at once.